I am working on writing a testimony, or a summary of my two books, Eulogies Unspoken: Stories of Worth and Caring for Dad: With Love and Tomatoes. I am excited that I have been asked to speak at Concord Christian Church. The church is under the leadership of Lee Todd, and is located in Crocker, Missouri. I have attended church there several times and always received such a warm welcome. The congregation there has been so supportive of my writing ventures.

Mr. Todd has asked me to do a reading and discuss my experiences with grief and the holidays. Having lost both parents at a young age, I have had to adjust to a “new normal,” especially during special events on the calendar–birthdays, anniversaries (marriage, death), and of course the big holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If you are suffering with grief and the upcoming holidays, what do you have planned? If you have helpful suggestions that worked for you, please feel free to share.

Each one of us is on our own grief journey, but often sharing our thoughts helps us know we are not alone! Here are some personal thoughts on what helps me deal with the pain of loss and holidays:

1.) Consider writing your loved one a letter about how much you miss them. Try sharing a funny story you remember about them and the holidays. I wrote many “Dear Mom” letters over the years, and I used some of them in my book.

2.) If photos bring you comfort pull those out on the holiday and visit with family and friends about your loved one. Or, begin a photo scrapbook of your memories. Photos made me sad for years, but now I love viewing them and they bring me a lot of joy.

3.) I am NOT a cook, but food is a big part of American holidays. If you and/or your loved one had a favorite dish, make it and do your best to enjoy. My mom and I loved pecan pie.

4.) Let your family and friends know how you are feeling. You have the right to speak up and share your thoughts. Remember, many times people want to help, but they really have no idea what to say or what to do, so awkward silence occurs.

5.) Volunteer or make a donation in honor or memory of your loved ones. For example, my dad loved cats and he and I used to spend time playing with the animals at our local animal shelter. On his birthday I have gone to make a donation to that cause and it makes me feel good to do something positive on a sad day. It honors his life, and that brings me a bit of peace.

If you can, volunteer at an animal shelter, homeless shelter, soup kitchen, food bank, etc. I recently began volunteering at a grief center. Hearing others openly share their stories of grief has helped me so much.

May God bless each of us who are hurting and guide us in a way that honors our loved one.